After moving into a distant land, far
way from home, it has now become customary for me to have a skype chat with
parents every morning. Today, a very casual conversation with my mom has set me
thinking about an issue that will be of relevance to each one of us, directly
or indirectly!
I usually ask her about the latest happenings in the schools
around the city, where I am from. She shares a lot of inputs and thoughts
considering she has been in the teaching field for more than 2 decades
now. A lot of incidents shared by her have given me a perspective about
today's style of parenting versus the olden days, perhaps a decade and a half
ago.
Today, she narrated an incident that happened in one of the
city schools. It was unique and alarming in it's own way.
This school has the practice of passing on a note to the
parents for meeting them if a teacher feels that there are some specific
concerns that need to be addressed about their child. This is done through a
written note (nothing mentioned in particular) and passed on through the
student himself/herself. So, as was customary, a similar note was written and
passed on though a child who is regarded to be highly mischievous in his class.
Well, being mischievous is a natural quality of children. Nothing alarming
about that. What followed was alarming!
A few hours later, one of the school teachers, who lives
close-by the school campus, received a call from the management about this
child being found roaming around the campus several hours after the regular
school hours. She was asked to go to the campus immediately.
After talking to the child and few others, this is what was
found.
It seemed like the child had gone home and read through the
note. He ended up assuming that it could be a major issue and that his parents
might end up scolding/beating him for the note. Hence, in order to avoid it, he
had left his school bag and went out in the school uniform itself without
informing anyone at home. A police van which went on a patrol around the
locality identified this kid from his uniform, immediately called the principal
to pass on the information. Later, the child was dropped home safely. The irony
in this situation was, neither the child looked scared that he was away from
home, nor the parents seemed worried that the child returned home so late.
The next day, all teachers were called for a meeting and
were told about this incident. It was announced that hitherto no teacher will
handover written notes to students. Incase of issues that need to be discussed,
the teachers shall personally call up the parents and ask them to come to
school.
Now, the question is....Is this the right approach? Is it
right to become defensive here and start changing your own internal processes,
as an organization?
Education is no longer considered to be a noble vocation. It
has become the most popular and profit making business models, where
customer satisfaction (in this case, parents) and branding are the two most
important pillars. Does anyone care about what values are driven out of that education
ultimately??? I really really doubt it!!
Since schools have started looking at education as a mere
business, what stands important to them is customer satisfaction that will
ultimately start impacting their ratings in the city. Hence, they refrain from
getting into the roots of problems like these that could kindle unnecessary
publicity, but rather try to find out ways to get temporary solutions to make
people happy.
The real issue in this case is not with the note that the
school had sent. The real issue is with the type of parenting that the child's
parents are perhaps pursuing. Here, the child ended up assuming that the
note will lead to serious repercussions perhaps because he could have seen
something like that happen before. Then, it's only natural that the child
wanted to avoid it, out of fear. If the parents perhaps had had an open, polite
conversation in the past to understand his fears and anxiety, he would not have
taken such a drastic decision for a simple note such as this. What are you really
trying to teach your child here? - "Start running if you are scared, or
develop courage to face it??"
The utopian situation that I would want is the involvement
that schools start showing in discussing such issues with parents and work
together to find a solution for it. But I know I will be considered a
fool if I expect schools to start doing that, because, they obviously are more
interested in making money rather than spending time to figure out real time
solutions. Ofcourse, they are not NGOs to help the society!!!
However, parents cant afford to be so materialistic in their
thoughts, or atleast, I am assuming so!
Let's get it straight! Marks are not everything in
life. Our life is not a scorecard. What matters more are the values we
teach children, that ultimately end up building up their character, for a life
time.
A child getting 480/500 in a board examination is a good
publicity for the school. Their mission gets accomplished when they start
getting more applications the following year.
But, as a parent, you need to start thinking what your child
really wants. It's quite possible that he does not want to study mainstream,
but wants to become...let's say... a sculptor. Its possible that, all he wants
is perhaps spend more time with his parents, who often treat office as home and
vice versa!
If you are going to end up threatening your child for
bringing a note home, just because he was found mischievous or if you are going
to put him through a zillion tutions just because he did not get 95/100 in one
the subjects or if you are going to compare him with his peers for not doing
well in exams or on the extreme, if you are going to ALWAYS end up buying
everything that your child asks for, just because you have more money to spend,
trust me.....you are not doing justice to your role, as a parent!
I am not a parent yet. So, you have the right to ask
me - "What do you know about parenting?". I don't! .
But, I do know the difference between a good and bad parent.
The thin line of difference is how does your child, as he/she grows, starts looking
at life and human relations in the larger picture.
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